I finally for the first time EVER.
Imagined myself with a seeing eye cane and then felt RELIEF, not embarrassment not shame and it has been 18 years!
Relief from:
- Feeling like I could die at any moment with the limitations of my vision
- Feeling anger from folks when I cut them off or bump into them as I don’t see them in my limited field of vision
-Feeling embarrassed because I missed the curb, I tripped up and I tripped down
-Not recognizing faces I know from a far, I feel like that would be better because the person would see my cane and not think im an awful B, that’s ignoring them (so release of paranoia around friendships old and new or just friendly.)
- not having to “hide” how hard walking and existing is, hence not feeling invisible
- not feeling like an idiot because no I cant ride my bike, I literally can not ride a bike it is not safe
- the idea of the general public and even friends “knowing” about my “hidden disability” makes me feel FREE, makes me feel heard and understood and FREE holy shit, FREE
- the idea that someone might help me up or move out of my way, literally THRILLS me
I could go on.
I know im not done, and bang its over (I wish) ive got a ways to go, ive got meetings and ive got skill training, and ive got got so much more to go, but goddamn ive NEVER been this real with this vision I have, EVER.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EMDR (therapy) I fucking love you with all of my heart souls and everything, holy shit!
